WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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