I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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