I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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