the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
