Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
