It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
