He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize