What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
