Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
