It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
porn star boner night. come get it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
