I met the friendliest cop last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
