No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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