you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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