dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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