Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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