Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
