you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Randomize
