Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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