yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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