I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
