he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
