My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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