Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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