She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
