I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
