I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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