i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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