Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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