Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
