This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I will pee on everything he values.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
