so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do vagina's smell?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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