I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
