wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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