Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
