I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
