like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
