when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize