Farmville is her only friend.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
