I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
