Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
