I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it glows. i had to have it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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