I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Randomize
