And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
