Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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