i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize