I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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