i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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