DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
