either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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