OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize