i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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