I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
