Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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