yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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