It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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