I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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