those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she smelled like a LAN party
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
