The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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