i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
