I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
