then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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