Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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