i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
