there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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