My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
