Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
