I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize