i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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