If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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