break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
