i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize