its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
