I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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