is your mom at the bar?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
