bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
